Saturday, August 27, 2005

cause, effect and aftermath

i was feeling sad and gloomy, i woke up at 9 pm after a tiresome day sleepless day and slept at 2 ish all tired and cranky cause i was up all night and i knew that i can't catch up some sleep time and it was too late anyway so i went on with half opened eyes.
that and feeling bad for a dear friend that is going through an emotional rough time. (sadness explained, something else too but i don't feel like mentioning it now..)
turned on tv and friends show was on and cranked a smile on my face, it's amazing how small things can make you feel better.

woohoo and it's a back to back show! 2 in a row wanasa, i miss showtime.., i need my sitcom dosage!

still have that "XX years ago" tag thingie on draft and i'm still not in the mood to do it OMG bow to the king of laziness!, still up for doing it but LATER ON :P (note to person who started it, you're mean :P), i have to make time for a big past remembrance session, and no i don't have that much of a weak memory but i make a big fuss out of it :P, plus i don't think i have an interesting past to mention kinda.., the other tag lines are kinda funny and easy to answer so i think i'll be answering them first and post 'em! :D HAH, funny how i can tell you what i want and plan for instantly and without thinking!, makes me feel eager instantly wanasa! *gets excited* (madri 3ala sheno :P)

catch ya later!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

i still don't believe in that crap

Your Birthdate: April 12

Being born on the 12th day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.

The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.

There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, sometimes "couldn't care less" attitude.

You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.

Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.

You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.

You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.

Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about.

You are affectionate and loving - but very sensitive.

You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

well 65% of it is *kinda* true, "There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, sometimes "couldn't care less" attitude." now THAT is totally true and the rest is like, um..

You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.
Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.
yea right, i'm the people phobic type of person, i don't initiate interaction with people unless they'd seem to be friendly enough and allah e'7aley the nature of most of our dear fellow citizens here i don't get to interact much cause they look like they're in a bitchy mood 24/7 :P lol

now let's check out the other freaky blog things that interested me :D

Your Hidden Talent
You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words.
You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel.
People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation.
When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers.

"But when you're down, everyone suffers." okay, TOTALLY UNTRUE!, i don't let others crank down cause i am, ayshay!, now it's getting really weird..

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.

You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.

You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.

You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

true.., but that -> "
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly." is arguable.

okay, i think blogthings is getting weirder everytime i give it a visit nowadays, so no more blog thingies for me for a longer while.

i've been tagged by BLaSha and Symbols at the same time about the same thing! YAAY wanasa! :D, i promise i'll try to work on it later on, i just hesitated a little cause it's about the past at first and habits and stuff :p, but i will do it walla!. later! :D

Friday, August 12, 2005

feelings?, emotions?, who cares!

lots of feelings, emotions at the same time leading to thoughts busting into this blank mind of mine at the moment,
it feels strange, i was in such a similar situation but this one is different, it's stronger and whiping/taking over my 'usually in a thinking mode' mind.

i usually keep myself busy most the time by multitasking it, from watching tv to checking out the web (10+ pages open 24/7) to experimenting with software and listening to music/comedy streams on winamp.

i explain it as being immensely bored out of the almost repeatative routine of mine that i do daily for the sake of just keeping myself busy and amused, worried about wether people around me are just busy in their own matters or just plain not giving a damn,

care?, why?, why would i do if i almost know most the time that i won't be getting any in return?, why would i do it if i probably know that most of my care is taken for granted.

i miss my more social slightly selfish and careless self, i was set in my mind that i should live my life depending on my own self as an on going lead supporter.

those are some of the answers to some of the thoughts that popped bursting into my mind at dawn yesterday, of what i recollect from it, the blank state of mind, is it a rage of emotional thoughts?, is it some kind of protest inside me against the actions and counter actions/reactions that i get from my surroundings/ers?

answers that brought up more questions, figuring and answering them out as they come, i guess that's what keeps me going, living this life, figuring it out, trying to 'blend in'.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

in simple words..

there i was waking up at 1 am and sitting on my couch in front of my pc and tv on the left, i sat there with a blank mind for a couple of hours trying to think of something to do, tv was boring as most the time so i practically didn't notice it, at the third hour i glare at the monitor with no one around on my im list (as always) and nothing to keep up with so i started to cruise around some blogs, swair's aging concern post got my attention and what stimulated my mental meditation (more to come on that) was jackie's comment on it, that the age of 21 is only felt the most by guys here (EEE2, WRONG! :P), the other big banger was this post by one of the respected local mystery bloggers.

i kept reading around for an hour checking out other people's blog post commenters' blogs like a spider, then i had this big urge to go out on a cruise to breathe some air in my ride with windows open and no music on to gather around those million thoughts popping in my head instantly counter to being light headed before going to sleep at sunset and it being still there even after taking a fairly good sleep with no recollection of any dreams, probably flashes (did i ever mention that i HATE dreams good or bad?, they freak and confuse the hell out of me) but those aren't an issue thank god.

i went for the ride and kept feeling the slightly heated air with the smell of other car's gasses till i reach gulf street,

i took the right entrance to the road off the love street and wow.., just right when i passed the gass station on the right i felt the heavenly breeze, the cool sea air made me wish and imagine that i own a beach house (thanks Don for sharing your outing to yours the other post btw :P) and i'm sitting at the back porch glazing at the far sea WHILE THERE'S A LAPTOP ON A SMALL TABLE god damn why can't i imagine myself with no technology whatsoever at least for a decent while?, back to my inspirey meditatish state of mind, i did all that in an effort to gather all these thoughts and try to remember at least most of them and put 'em into words.

i was thinking of expressing my thoughts about how simple words that are put into sentences could be more comprehendible and understandable and relatable than literarish self expressions that are so.. (ugh.., blank mind trying to take over again) complex and uncommon to your good ol' logically minded realist folks, i saw that in a lot of blogs around, no offense intended really, keep up the way you write and think as i respect people's individuality and uniqueness.

i thought and wanted to talk about friendship and how i practically don't have any and that i don't belong to groups, as in you prove yourself and belong or you're an outcast kind of groups and i don't believe in that kind of friendship though i do go out with some of those groups that my individual friends belong to but that's seasonal and rarely happens, and how it's unfair that friends at times that they are needed in are uninterested and make themselves unavailable at their convenience knowing about my need for them (mental or cheerful support etc.) yet they tend to be awkwardly careless, nevermind.., too long an issue.

i thought about my current life and how i'm handling it and how it's going to affect my future, as in monetary condition, being with my significant other if i'm ever gonna find her, i thought about that while i'm still in the state of meditation hopping myself in bed and covered in my blanket, probably that helped generate flashes in my mind about it, imagined being hugged comforted by that anonymous significant, i had flashbacks of the girls (gfs) that influenced my life and how would it be if they were included in my blank future and influenced it too, most of them would've made my life really, cause every single one of them has a great lifestyle and sweet in their own way, i could talk about that for a whole day..

well.., life goes on, those mental of mine are rare and motivated by either weather condition (LOL true walla) or emotional trauma (mostly the nastiest ones), the burst of thoughts i get a lot most the time but sadly with the inability to express them and my famed out short memory issue they are gone in a snap, i tried as hard as i can to recollect them and write them out here for you to read and hopefully for you to comprehend, simple words to express clearly with a powerful meaning whenever you want them to be understood.

now back to my blank state of mind and hopefully i'd have some restful sleep.

P.S: i'm HUNGRY :p

signing off, ciao

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

lots of things to rant about

lack of useful pocket pc software

wonder of rss blogs in mail client & freepops webmail to pop3 proxy (opensource cross platform mark, i recommend it)

poor little superfast vulnerable processor that couldn't survive 14 hours of indoors heat thanks to my room's crappy old air conditioner (plus the fact that the A/C generator itself is on the roof taking all the punches off our sweet local weather)

3 things that i want to write about but i have no strength in my hands for..

I *nudges Don* have this urge to write about these things yet i'm not in the mood for 'em, probably cause i'm too tired and heat struck at the moment cause i just got back home off a freakingly scary ms access exam, took an almost instant review off the instructor and I PASSED! YAAY i thought i never would!, that access course is (yeah i still have another level to go through, 3 damn levels..) really boring and lame cause it's mainly about database processing stuff, i'm happy cause i'm almost through that boring course thingie that i'm taking and it's over in mid november.

head hurts, feel like sleeping, thinking of spending my current time on playing xbox or hugging my blankie (or probably both)

homey techie ranty blog, i like being totally unspecific when it comes to my blogging habbit

Thursday, August 04, 2005

pocket pc heaven

at last, i'm yet another pocket pc owner!, it's an HP iPAQ h6315 and i'm in love ;D

i've been playing with this beauty for HOURS right after i spent an hour out my house door by having a pleasant conversation with a dear friend that i know for almost 5 years and just met!, the poor guy was giving me a quick usage tutorial after i gave him my appreciation gift which is an Ubuntu cd cover with a couple of install and live cds in it ;), i got 10 of those a month ago and i've been trying to pass the thing around for anyone who would probably be interested but nvm that now,

i love how the battery on the thing lasts much longer than your local popular pocket pc (aka i-mate!, pity how most devices are usually identified by their maker companies.., you know what i mean),

i was shocked by a few drawbacks though,
  • operating system is Windows Mobile 2003, the i-mate's is 2003 SE (looks pwittier ;P)
  • all your data goes bye bye if you forgot to back it up and tried to replace the battery (i knew about that, but i went nuts when it happened to me cause i thought that the backup battery would do it's thang while i do it quickly or whatever)
  • the sound.., speaker feature of this thing isn't much reliable if it tries to get your attention or the phone rings in public or with surrounding noises
otherwise the thing is pda heaven, bluetooth (duh) AND wifi! WOOHOO free fast internet! (thanks zajil!, don't wanna jinx them and find out they had it removed :P),

the phone feature thingie is weird, i do have a couple of actual call buttons right under the screen, but dialing and finding contacts on the thing is a nag, cause of the sensitive touch screen issue i have to pull the stylus thingie every time to do simple dialing or contact calls, there is a quick contact call feature but i have to set it manually, as in pick the contacts one after another and add them to the list, loya :|

but what the hell, i'm in portable wireless internet software heaven!

btw that boo7a movie, don't waste your money on it, lame jokes and almost nonexistant storylines replaced by crappy sketches instead (you were right symb! :| )