feelings?, emotions?, who cares!

lots of feelings, emotions at the same time leading to thoughts busting into this blank mind of mine at the moment,
it feels strange, i was in such a similar situation but this one is different, it's stronger and whiping/taking over my 'usually in a thinking mode' mind.

i usually keep myself busy most the time by multitasking it, from watching tv to checking out the web (10+ pages open 24/7) to experimenting with software and listening to music/comedy streams on winamp.

i explain it as being immensely bored out of the almost repeatative routine of mine that i do daily for the sake of just keeping myself busy and amused, worried about wether people around me are just busy in their own matters or just plain not giving a damn,

care?, why?, why would i do if i almost know most the time that i won't be getting any in return?, why would i do it if i probably know that most of my care is taken for granted.

i miss my more social slightly selfish and careless self, i was set in my mind that i should live my life depending on my own self as an on going lead supporter.


those are some of the answers to some of the thoughts that popped bursting into my mind at dawn yesterday, of what i recollect from it, the blank state of mind, is it a rage of emotional thoughts?, is it some kind of protest inside me against the actions and counter actions/reactions that i get from my surroundings/ers?

answers that brought up more questions, figuring and answering them out as they come, i guess that's what keeps me going, living this life, figuring it out, trying to 'blend in'.