in simple words..

there i was waking up at 1 am and sitting on my couch in front of my pc and tv on the left, i sat there with a blank mind for a couple of hours trying to think of something to do, tv was boring as most the time so i practically didn't notice it, at the third hour i glare at the monitor with no one around on my im list (as always) and nothing to keep up with so i started to cruise around some blogs, swair's aging concern post got my attention and what stimulated my mental meditation (more to come on that) was jackie's comment on it, that the age of 21 is only felt the most by guys here (EEE2, WRONG! :P), the other big banger was this post by one of the respected local mystery bloggers.

i kept reading around for an hour checking out other people's blog post commenters' blogs like a spider, then i had this big urge to go out on a cruise to breathe some air in my ride with windows open and no music on to gather around those million thoughts popping in my head instantly counter to being light headed before going to sleep at sunset and it being still there even after taking a fairly good sleep with no recollection of any dreams, probably flashes (did i ever mention that i HATE dreams good or bad?, they freak and confuse the hell out of me) but those aren't an issue thank god.

i went for the ride and kept feeling the slightly heated air with the smell of other car's gasses till i reach gulf street,

i took the right entrance to the road off the love street and wow.., just right when i passed the gass station on the right i felt the heavenly breeze, the cool sea air made me wish and imagine that i own a beach house (thanks Don for sharing your outing to yours the other post btw :P) and i'm sitting at the back porch glazing at the far sea WHILE THERE'S A LAPTOP ON A SMALL TABLE god damn why can't i imagine myself with no technology whatsoever at least for a decent while?, back to my inspirey meditatish state of mind, i did all that in an effort to gather all these thoughts and try to remember at least most of them and put 'em into words.

i was thinking of expressing my thoughts about how simple words that are put into sentences could be more comprehendible and understandable and relatable than literarish self expressions that are so.. (ugh.., blank mind trying to take over again) complex and uncommon to your good ol' logically minded realist folks, i saw that in a lot of blogs around, no offense intended really, keep up the way you write and think as i respect people's individuality and uniqueness.

i thought and wanted to talk about friendship and how i practically don't have any and that i don't belong to groups, as in you prove yourself and belong or you're an outcast kind of groups and i don't believe in that kind of friendship though i do go out with some of those groups that my individual friends belong to but that's seasonal and rarely happens, and how it's unfair that friends at times that they are needed in are uninterested and make themselves unavailable at their convenience knowing about my need for them (mental or cheerful support etc.) yet they tend to be awkwardly careless, nevermind.., too long an issue.

i thought about my current life and how i'm handling it and how it's going to affect my future, as in monetary condition, being with my significant other if i'm ever gonna find her, i thought about that while i'm still in the state of meditation hopping myself in bed and covered in my blanket, probably that helped generate flashes in my mind about it, imagined being hugged comforted by that anonymous significant, i had flashbacks of the girls (gfs) that influenced my life and how would it be if they were included in my blank future and influenced it too, most of them would've made my life really, cause every single one of them has a great lifestyle and sweet in their own way, i could talk about that for a whole day..

well.., life goes on, those mental of mine are rare and motivated by either weather condition (LOL true walla) or emotional trauma (mostly the nastiest ones), the burst of thoughts i get a lot most the time but sadly with the inability to express them and my famed out short memory issue they are gone in a snap, i tried as hard as i can to recollect them and write them out here for you to read and hopefully for you to comprehend, simple words to express clearly with a powerful meaning whenever you want them to be understood.

now back to my blank state of mind and hopefully i'd have some restful sleep.


P.S: i'm HUNGRY :p

signing off, ciao